Friday, September 05, 2003
Blaine prepares for starvation stunt
BBC NEWS | Entertainment | TV and Radio | Blaine prepares for starvation stunt:
"Illusionist David Blaine is making the final preparations for his latest stunt, which will see him encased in a plastic box over the River Thames and covered in a mixture of vaseline and petrol and ignited.
Blaine will begin the incredible stunt on Monday evening and said to reporters "I'm really looking forward to enabling myself to change from a boy to a man, from above to below" or some such shit.
When asked if *he* would be watching, Mark Radcliffe, broadcaster, replied : "who?".
Exprtes from the national grid have said that they are prepared for a huge power surge on Monday evening as a massive nationwide audience simultaneously turn on their video recorders.
"Illusionist David Blaine is making the final preparations for his latest stunt, which will see him encased in a plastic box over the River Thames and covered in a mixture of vaseline and petrol and ignited.
Blaine will begin the incredible stunt on Monday evening and said to reporters "I'm really looking forward to enabling myself to change from a boy to a man, from above to below" or some such shit.
When asked if *he* would be watching, Mark Radcliffe, broadcaster, replied : "who?".
Exprtes from the national grid have said that they are prepared for a huge power surge on Monday evening as a massive nationwide audience simultaneously turn on their video recorders.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Popped Clogs - Celebrity ebituaries while they're still warm.
Popped Clogs - Celebrity ebituaries while they're still warm.:
"Not exactly a great actor, an Eastwood for people who prefer a
little less emotion from their hard nosed cop, Bronson is never
the less a peculiar icon of the seventies and a man who decided
he knew his place, and that place was shooting evil motherfuckers
in the face."
gudbI chRls brnsn
u stRtd smOkng in 1930
& actng in 1974
dthwsh?
grntd
"Not exactly a great actor, an Eastwood for people who prefer a
little less emotion from their hard nosed cop, Bronson is never
the less a peculiar icon of the seventies and a man who decided
he knew his place, and that place was shooting evil motherfuckers
in the face."
gudbI chRls brnsn
u stRtd smOkng in 1930
& actng in 1974
dthwsh?
grntd
Go.Read.Scary.Duck
Scaryduck: Not Scary. Not A Duck.:
"The BBC is a national treasure. A national treasure that some, however, would like to see killed off, hobbled, or locked quietly in a back room where nobody can hear the screams as it has its heart ripped out.
For example, Conservative MP and culture spokeman John Whittingdale would like to see the Beeb’s awesome website more-or-less closed down along with a whole swathe of its digital services, because, as a free-market Conservative, it's doing a job that commercial organisations ought to be doing. Someone tell him the internet money-making bubble burst years ago... From the other side of the house, sour-faced culture secretary Tessa Jowell has been making unpleasant noises regarding the BBC’s forthcoming charter renewal over the Corporation’s failure to kow-tow to the government line during and after the Iraqi War. As the old saying goes, if the BBC is upsetting politicians from all sides, it must be doing something right."
This is just the start of a really *really* good article.
"The BBC is a national treasure. A national treasure that some, however, would like to see killed off, hobbled, or locked quietly in a back room where nobody can hear the screams as it has its heart ripped out.
For example, Conservative MP and culture spokeman John Whittingdale would like to see the Beeb’s awesome website more-or-less closed down along with a whole swathe of its digital services, because, as a free-market Conservative, it's doing a job that commercial organisations ought to be doing. Someone tell him the internet money-making bubble burst years ago... From the other side of the house, sour-faced culture secretary Tessa Jowell has been making unpleasant noises regarding the BBC’s forthcoming charter renewal over the Corporation’s failure to kow-tow to the government line during and after the Iraqi War. As the old saying goes, if the BBC is upsetting politicians from all sides, it must be doing something right."
This is just the start of a really *really* good article.
LOL @ pointlesswasteoftime's News-skim...
American Literacy Plummets...
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton
...says the National Center for Education Statistics, whose annual survey shows reading achievement at Sub-Affleck levels.
"Americans used to be excellent readers," says confused NCES Chairman Randy Moore. "Our statistics track reading achievement levels at 95%, right up until 1984." Moore presents a chart, which illustrates the sudden dramatic drop in literacity. "After June 1984, the numbers plummet suddenly and steadily for twenty years. We can’t understand it."
2003 American reading levels show 54% of the population at a Basic level, with a further 38% one level below, at Incredibly Stupid and a record-high 19% forced to sign their exams by smearing their own feces on the signature line.
New Tom Clancy Novel Due...
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton 1 Comments
...within the month, says Clancy’s publicist Janice Werther. The prolific author has released a novel a year since his first in June 1984, and has watched his books sell in steadily greater numbers every year.
His latest effort, Me Honor Good Bomb Bad, is the best selling sequel to 2001’s New York Times bestseller Jack Ryan Yes Good, He is For Fight with Guns and, in Clancy's own words, will be his "most best ever yettest."
Genius.
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton
...says the National Center for Education Statistics, whose annual survey shows reading achievement at Sub-Affleck levels.
"Americans used to be excellent readers," says confused NCES Chairman Randy Moore. "Our statistics track reading achievement levels at 95%, right up until 1984." Moore presents a chart, which illustrates the sudden dramatic drop in literacity. "After June 1984, the numbers plummet suddenly and steadily for twenty years. We can’t understand it."
2003 American reading levels show 54% of the population at a Basic level, with a further 38% one level below, at Incredibly Stupid and a record-high 19% forced to sign their exams by smearing their own feces on the signature line.
New Tom Clancy Novel Due...
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton 1 Comments
...within the month, says Clancy’s publicist Janice Werther. The prolific author has released a novel a year since his first in June 1984, and has watched his books sell in steadily greater numbers every year.
His latest effort, Me Honor Good Bomb Bad, is the best selling sequel to 2001’s New York Times bestseller Jack Ryan Yes Good, He is For Fight with Guns and, in Clancy's own words, will be his "most best ever yettest."
Genius.
BBC NEWS | World | Americas | Private Lynch signs $1m book deal
BBC NEWS | World | Americas | Private Lynch signs $1m book deal: "The American soldier Jessica Lynch, who was rescued by US special forces after being taken prisoner in Iraq, has signed a $1m book deal with publisher Alfred A Knopf.
I Am a Soldier, Too: The Jessica Lynch Story will be co-written by former New York Times reporter Rick Bragg and detail her journey from rural West Virginia to becoming a national hero. "
"Private Lynch was subsequently awarded the Bronze Star for meritorious combat service, a Prisoner of War medal and the Purple Heart medal, which is usually awarded to those wounded in combat."
(or of course car accidents).
Initial reports that she had been shot and stabbed as she fought fiercely against her attackers later turned out to be untrue.
A US army investigation concluded that Private Lynch's convoy had stumbled into enemy territory after their severely fatigued commander misread a map and that she was injured when her vehicle crashed into another in the convoy."
(see, the ONLY source of her injuries)
An investigation by the BBC's Correspondent programme said the story of the rescue was "one of the most stunning pieces of news management ever conceived".
But Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman said any claims that the facts of Private Lynch's rescue were misrepresented by the US military were "void of all facts and absolutely ridiculous".
(ahh, but we know better, don't we?)..
I Am a Soldier, Too: The Jessica Lynch Story will be co-written by former New York Times reporter Rick Bragg and detail her journey from rural West Virginia to becoming a national hero. "
"Private Lynch was subsequently awarded the Bronze Star for meritorious combat service, a Prisoner of War medal and the Purple Heart medal, which is usually awarded to those wounded in combat."
(or of course car accidents).
Initial reports that she had been shot and stabbed as she fought fiercely against her attackers later turned out to be untrue.
A US army investigation concluded that Private Lynch's convoy had stumbled into enemy territory after their severely fatigued commander misread a map and that she was injured when her vehicle crashed into another in the convoy."
(see, the ONLY source of her injuries)
An investigation by the BBC's Correspondent programme said the story of the rescue was "one of the most stunning pieces of news management ever conceived".
But Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman said any claims that the facts of Private Lynch's rescue were misrepresented by the US military were "void of all facts and absolutely ridiculous".
(ahh, but we know better, don't we?)..
BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | US 'offers UN greater Iraq role'
BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | US 'offers UN greater Iraq role':
"The United States is to ask the United Nations to approve the creation of a multinational force in Iraq in return for ceding some political authority, US officials say. "
Translation:
Jesus H Christ! This is costing us a fortune. Let's see if we can get some other countries to share the cost. Let their soldiers get shot for a bit too.
"The United States is to ask the United Nations to approve the creation of a multinational force in Iraq in return for ceding some political authority, US officials say. "
Translation:
Jesus H Christ! This is costing us a fortune. Let's see if we can get some other countries to share the cost. Let their soldiers get shot for a bit too.
Monday, September 01, 2003
BBC NEWS | Entertainment | TV and Radio | Blaine launches cutting-edge stunt
BBC NEWS | Entertainment | TV and Radio | Blaine launches cutting-edge stunt:
"Blaine, who has been described as a modern-day Houdini"
Or, more accurately, "a twat".
Jesus, what a prick. Read the article and try not to vomit at this man's ego.
"Blaine, who has been described as a modern-day Houdini"
Or, more accurately, "a twat".
Jesus, what a prick. Read the article and try not to vomit at this man's ego.
NEWSFLASH!!1!!
Sept 19th is National "Talk Like A Pirate Day"
I think we all accept it's part of our duty in a modern world to talk like a pirate as much as possible.
Arrrr.
I think we all accept it's part of our duty in a modern world to talk like a pirate as much as possible.
Arrrr.
The worm has turned, let's pull the plug
The worm has turned, let's pull the plug:
"Maybe it's time to admit that the whole Internet thing has been a grand experiment, but an experiment that's failed -- like hydrogen-filled airships, or the Tacoma Narrows Bridge, or Betamax. We'll all find something else to do, and in many cases it will come as a great relief. "
This woman is an idiot. Surely the best thing about the internet is the lack of cencorship of people's views and free and honest reporting?
Oh, and Betamax didn't fail. It is still the best tape format out there and only lost out to VHS due to Sony's massive market flooding of machines as loss-leaders.
Fucking amateur.
Tim puts it much betterer than I ever could here.
"Maybe it's time to admit that the whole Internet thing has been a grand experiment, but an experiment that's failed -- like hydrogen-filled airships, or the Tacoma Narrows Bridge, or Betamax. We'll all find something else to do, and in many cases it will come as a great relief. "
This woman is an idiot. Surely the best thing about the internet is the lack of cencorship of people's views and free and honest reporting?
Oh, and Betamax didn't fail. It is still the best tape format out there and only lost out to VHS due to Sony's massive market flooding of machines as loss-leaders.
Fucking amateur.
Tim puts it much betterer than I ever could here.
WagKingdom.com
WagKingdom.com:
"The high profile arrest of Jeff Parson on charges of writing a variant of the Blaster worm raises more questions than it answers. How come the FBI took so long? The culprit was immediately obvious."
"The high profile arrest of Jeff Parson on charges of writing a variant of the Blaster worm raises more questions than it answers. How come the FBI took so long? The culprit was immediately obvious."
BBC NEWS | Politics | Kelly's widow tells of 'nightmare'
BBC NEWS | Politics | Kelly's widow tells of 'nightmare':
"He had got on with work compiling the list of his media contacts demanded by MPs, but later that morning, she was physically sick 'because he looked so desperate... I just thought he had a broken heart. He had shrunk into himself.'
At this stage, Dr Kelly could not talk at all, she said, and at 1500 BST went for the walk which ended with his death. "
Hmm, so who called him mid-morning to arrange a 'meeting'?
Without going over the obvious *again*, there is something very very odd here.
I still think he was killed or 'induced to kill himself'. Shouldn't be too hard.
"He had got on with work compiling the list of his media contacts demanded by MPs, but later that morning, she was physically sick 'because he looked so desperate... I just thought he had a broken heart. He had shrunk into himself.'
At this stage, Dr Kelly could not talk at all, she said, and at 1500 BST went for the walk which ended with his death. "
Hmm, so who called him mid-morning to arrange a 'meeting'?
Without going over the obvious *again*, there is something very very odd here.
I still think he was killed or 'induced to kill himself'. Shouldn't be too hard.
BBC NEWS | Health | Red wine may protect smokers
BBC NEWS | Health | Red wine may protect smokers:
"Red wine may protect smokers
A glass or two of red wine may keep the doctor away
Drinking red wine may help to protect against the harmful effects of smoking, a study suggests.
Researchers have found that two glasses of red wine counteract the damage to the arteries caused by one cigarette. "
HURRAH!!!1!!!
Oh bollox, that means I need to drink, er, about 30 glasses of red wine a day. I don't think my budget (on indeed liver) can stretch to that.
:-(
"Red wine may protect smokers
A glass or two of red wine may keep the doctor away
Drinking red wine may help to protect against the harmful effects of smoking, a study suggests.
Researchers have found that two glasses of red wine counteract the damage to the arteries caused by one cigarette. "
HURRAH!!!1!!!
Oh bollox, that means I need to drink, er, about 30 glasses of red wine a day. I don't think my budget (on indeed liver) can stretch to that.
:-(
BBC NEWS | Technology | Online sci-fi shooter listens to fans
BBC NEWS | Technology | Online sci-fi shooter listens to fans:
"Online gaming is here to stay and will continue to be compelling, as long as you evolve with your community.
Several new characters join older ones in UT2004
So says Jay Wilbur, Epic Games developer of Unreal Tournament 2004, the latest multiplayer online game from the Unreal family. "
Problems with this article:
"Billed by games giant Atari as "the next evolution of the greatest competitive computer game ever created", the futuristic, multiplayer PC title prepares for combat this autumn".
Billed by most players as "oh yeah, UT2003, I played it for about a week".
"It comes less than a year after its smash hit predecessor UT2003."
Which is kind of a pointer in itself. DOS 5 anyone?
"One for UT2004 is voice over IP (VoIP). This lets players talk to each other online using headsets and increases the tactical ability of the team.
Before this innovation, he and his sons used standard telephone headsets to communicate to each other which made them an unbeatable team.
As more players take up broadband, Epic believes VoIP will give them enormous benefits and make the games even more fun."
Like CS players have been for years? I cannot beleieve the subtext here is talking about innovative comms.
"Or you can sit back and watch the game from afar using UT2004's new feature, UnrealTV."
Like, er HLTV? the Half-Life version? Which incindentally has been around for years.
"Who knows? But the key, world changing innovations are going to come from some place you never expected and are going to be delivered in a manner you'd never consider, from people you thought would probably never have made it."
Like Valve for instance.
Might as well call it CS in space.
"Online gaming is here to stay and will continue to be compelling, as long as you evolve with your community.
Several new characters join older ones in UT2004
So says Jay Wilbur, Epic Games developer of Unreal Tournament 2004, the latest multiplayer online game from the Unreal family. "
Problems with this article:
"Billed by games giant Atari as "the next evolution of the greatest competitive computer game ever created", the futuristic, multiplayer PC title prepares for combat this autumn".
Billed by most players as "oh yeah, UT2003, I played it for about a week".
"It comes less than a year after its smash hit predecessor UT2003."
Which is kind of a pointer in itself. DOS 5 anyone?
"One for UT2004 is voice over IP (VoIP). This lets players talk to each other online using headsets and increases the tactical ability of the team.
Before this innovation, he and his sons used standard telephone headsets to communicate to each other which made them an unbeatable team.
As more players take up broadband, Epic believes VoIP will give them enormous benefits and make the games even more fun."
Like CS players have been for years? I cannot beleieve the subtext here is talking about innovative comms.
"Or you can sit back and watch the game from afar using UT2004's new feature, UnrealTV."
Like, er HLTV? the Half-Life version? Which incindentally has been around for years.
"Who knows? But the key, world changing innovations are going to come from some place you never expected and are going to be delivered in a manner you'd never consider, from people you thought would probably never have made it."
Like Valve for instance.
Might as well call it CS in space.
Stuff from the weekend......
Alistair Campbell resigns. One down, many more to go.
As well as being a lying coniving talentless ex-tabloid hack who brought about the death of a scientist and backed an illegal invasion, he's also a Burnley supporter!
Is there no end to this man's evil!!??
Charles Bronson has died aged 81. He will probably be remembered mostly for the Death Wish films. He should be remembered mostly for his good ones instead. The Magnificent Seven (go on, hum the theme tune for a bit, it always makes me feel better) and The Great Escape.
I'm not a huge Bronson fan, but in those 2 films (and I'm sure many more) he was just superb.
Speaking of films, I watched a couple this weekend. Firstly, Ocean's Eleven, the new version. This film really is a lot of fun. It's got action, humour, suspense. Brad Pitt is very very good in it, very funny and a great performance from George Clooney (who i don't normally rate). The only downside? Julia Robets' character is pretty much superflous to the whole plot and the thing between her and Clooney just irritated me as you could see exactly where it was going from their first scene.
Secondly, Scream 3. This was on last night and is basically the closing part of Wes Craven's trilogy. How to describe it? Well it almost seems to be 2 films. The first hour is terrible, completely uninteresting and just seems to be scene-setting in case I forgot who anyone is. The second half is however much much better. The film is not a serious horror film and as such doesn't take itself too seriously. Wes Craven does know how to have fun and he seemed determined to make sure the trilogy finished with a bang.
I'm never going to own it and may not even watch it again when it comes on TV but it wasn't too bad.
Thirdly, The Avengers. Now, this film got the slagging of all time when it was released. I can see why. Firstly the good points:
The film has a certain charm which seems to have carried over from the TV series.
It also has wonderful moments of surrealism which fit in well with the series as I remember it.
Uma Thurman looks absolutely stunning in black latex.
Bad points:
Everything else. Really, the acting is incredibly bad from everyone involved, Sean Connery is really, really bad especially.
But Uma still looks good in latex. Hmmmm.
As well as being a lying coniving talentless ex-tabloid hack who brought about the death of a scientist and backed an illegal invasion, he's also a Burnley supporter!
Is there no end to this man's evil!!??
Charles Bronson has died aged 81. He will probably be remembered mostly for the Death Wish films. He should be remembered mostly for his good ones instead. The Magnificent Seven (go on, hum the theme tune for a bit, it always makes me feel better) and The Great Escape.
I'm not a huge Bronson fan, but in those 2 films (and I'm sure many more) he was just superb.
Speaking of films, I watched a couple this weekend. Firstly, Ocean's Eleven, the new version. This film really is a lot of fun. It's got action, humour, suspense. Brad Pitt is very very good in it, very funny and a great performance from George Clooney (who i don't normally rate). The only downside? Julia Robets' character is pretty much superflous to the whole plot and the thing between her and Clooney just irritated me as you could see exactly where it was going from their first scene.
Secondly, Scream 3. This was on last night and is basically the closing part of Wes Craven's trilogy. How to describe it? Well it almost seems to be 2 films. The first hour is terrible, completely uninteresting and just seems to be scene-setting in case I forgot who anyone is. The second half is however much much better. The film is not a serious horror film and as such doesn't take itself too seriously. Wes Craven does know how to have fun and he seemed determined to make sure the trilogy finished with a bang.
I'm never going to own it and may not even watch it again when it comes on TV but it wasn't too bad.
Thirdly, The Avengers. Now, this film got the slagging of all time when it was released. I can see why. Firstly the good points:
The film has a certain charm which seems to have carried over from the TV series.
It also has wonderful moments of surrealism which fit in well with the series as I remember it.
Uma Thurman looks absolutely stunning in black latex.
Bad points:
Everything else. Really, the acting is incredibly bad from everyone involved, Sean Connery is really, really bad especially.
But Uma still looks good in latex. Hmmmm.
